3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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