I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
