yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
