Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize