you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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