Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
