I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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