Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
