I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
