how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
