Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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