I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
