somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
