Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
