Three words: puerto rican gang bang
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
