woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
