dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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