That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
