so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
