Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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