You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
