ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
