I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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