So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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