Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
