I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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