The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize