I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
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Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
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Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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