First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
