Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
