they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
