Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
