"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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