he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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