my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
