You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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