let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
