omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
