Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
