I must be too annoying 4 u.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
