i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
