Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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