butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
