I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
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Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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