I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
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The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
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i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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