So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
