well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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