Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
