hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize