why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize
