i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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