but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
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That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
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My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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