Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
