Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
