yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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