No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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