I could make wine with my vomit
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
