May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
