Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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