Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Shame - the story of my life.
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