so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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