Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
