The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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