Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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