when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
