Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
