This is not my ceiling
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
