Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
