Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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