I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He kissed a someone with a penis
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
