God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I didn't notice because vodka
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
