Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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