He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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