I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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