you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
