I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
