This girl is more easily done than said...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
someone owes me an orgasm
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize