he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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