I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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