The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
