So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize