And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
