I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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