My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
